4 Legs of Self Care: Spiritual

This is a tricky subject for me to talk about.  I am Mormon, and we have a couple of spiritual practices that are different than other Christian religions, whose practices are different from other organized religions, whose practices are different from those who practice spirituality outside of organized religion.  So I shall endeavor to tread carefully while talking about spiritual self care.

A basic belief in God, or in a greater being or force outside of ourselves can bring purpose when we go through trials.  (From here on out when I refer to God, please feel free to substitute the greater being or force of your belief system.)  I have found those without a belief in God tend to struggle when going through trials.  They often feel that there’s no point. Some who vigilantly follow the law of attraction believe that they are the creator of their trials, and can feel a sense of guilt when something bad happens.  While I believe in the law of attraction, and the christian counterpart, the law of the harvest, I believe that there are other eternal laws that govern our lives and can be the impetus of trials in our lives.

When we believe that God exists and has our greatest interest at heart, it is easier to recognize that trials have a purpose other than making our lives miserable.  If we can harness that purpose and keep an eternal perspective, it is easier to grow (and go) through that trial.

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Spiritual self-care can help us keep the purpose and perspective that is needed to get through trials.  What practices do you find helpful in maintaining your spiritual self?  Do you rely on prayer, scripture study, and church attendance?  What about spending time in the outdoors enjoying God’s creations?  Do you practice meditation?  Do you regularly express gratitude for the blessings you have? Do you give back to others through service?   What can you do to enhance your current connection to God?

Electronics: The Good and the Bad

Electronics have a place in our lives.  I believe is nearly impossible to live a life today without them.  And frankly, they’re the main reason I have a job: men who lack self-mastery use them to look at pornography, break the hearts of their poor wives, and I work with these amazing ladies to bring joy back into their lives.

But they also have an amazing place in our world.  They allow connection to people and places where there was little to no previous connection.  Social media sites allow us to communicate with family and friends with whom we may have otherwise lost track.  We can call for help when our car breaks down on the side of the road instead of just praying that a police car shows up, or walking the mile to find the next yellow call box. (Do they even have those anymore?)

Anyways, you get the point.  Cel phones, computers, and tablets all have a useful place in our lives.  I have found though, not only with my clients but with myself, that connections using electronics can become a burden when not used wisely.  How many times do we find ourselves mindlessly scrolling through pinterest or facebook, or playing one of the endless supply of infinite runners or puzzle games that are available at our fingertips?  How often are we spending time doing this instead of engaging in activities that would truly enrich our lives.  How often does work stay undone, goals go unmet, children go ignored, and dinner haphazardly slapped together in the name of “downtime” on our devices.

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Downtime is good.  Downtime is important.  But is what you’re doing really downtime?  Or is it numbing?  Is what you’re facing elsewhere in your life so overwhelming that you’re ignoring it?  If so, step away from the phone.  Then make a list.  Dump everything out of your brain onto paper.  Next, set certain “phone time” blocks in your schedule; say first thing in the morning, during lunch, and before bedtime.  Finally, start tackling that list.  You don’t have to plow through it super-quick.  You don’t want to frustrate yourself because it’s so tiring.  Start with a couple easier things.  Then do something harder.  Then breeze through some easier things.  Next, tackle something you’ve been putting off for a long time.  It’ll feel really good!  Remember to get your schedule phone time in!

Still feeling overwhelmed?  Reach out to me on my contact page.  I can help you set goals to spend more time doing what’s important and will fulfill your life.

Lessons learned from Moana, Part 2

During the trip to return Te Fiti’s heart, Maui and Moana encounter many monsters: walking (and battling) coconuts, a gigantic crab, and and fearsome lava creature all test their resolve.

Maui, who wasn’t keen to go on this adventure in the first place, is often unhelpful and would rather just go his own way.  Occasionally he can be a bit and rude and condescending to Moana.  He doesn’t understood why what he did was so wrong.  In spite of this, Moana doesn’t veer from her course.  She doesn’t get distracted.  She doesn’t give up.  (She almost does at one point, but she doesn’t!)  She just keeps going on her way, being firm with Maui when he’s acting like a cranky child, but not letting his crankiness deter her.

The spouse of an addict can often feel the similar to Moana.  She may have goals for herself and her family for her own personal development, hobbies, and education, or things for her family like vacations, how the house or yard should be kept. Though her husband is not hunky demi-gods with great hair, just a plain old human, his behavior can often distract her from her goals.  Her energy can turn from her own goals and dreams to him; wondering what can she do to get him to stop, worrying if he’s acting out, worrying if he’s lying, wondering if his behavior is affecting the children, and a myriad of other things.  This is what brings the feelings of hopelessness and powerlessness.  When you focus on things you can not change, it’s depressing.  Focusing on your own goals and your own path despite how others around you are behaving, like Moana did, can bring a power back into your life that you may have not felt in a while.

Find Part 1 here and Part 3 here.

Becoming Better

A client shared this article with me. I love the concept – every day work to be 1% better than you were before. I don’t know about you, but I have woken up and thought, “Today I am going to exercise, and eat perfect, and only spend 5 minutes on facebook.”

It is always a massive fail. But what if I woke up and said, “I usually use food as a transition between activities. Today I am going to have a drink of water instead.” It is a much more sustainable goal. Then, in a couple of days, I can say “Today I am not going to eat when I am bored; I will crochet instead.”

These are long-term sustainable goals that can compound into llfe-changing habits.

What goals have you been working on but haven’t been succeeding with? As a life coach, I can I help you with those using this concept.  We will look at the values that you hold and what goals fit with those, and take sustainable steps so you can become the person you want to be.  Fill out the form on my contact page and let’s talk.

View story at Medium.com